Hello All! Here is the website to my storybook project! I will be doing stories from Alice in Wonderland based off of other character's point-of-view! Hope you enjoy! :)
Hello, Jess! I think you have a fantastic idea. I too was inspired by Alice in Wonderland, but mine is about the adventures of a stolen merchild. You set up your introduction very well. I enjoyed reading about your point-of-view and inspiration, you gave some background information, which is helpful for those who are not familiar with the story, and you wrap it up nicely with the rhetorical questions that get the readers mind working. I certainly have some questions about the characters in the book, one of my favorite ones is the caterpillar with a temper. Will you be telling the story from each character in a first person point of view, or will you be doing a third person narrative? Also, will you being pulling characters from only Alice in Wonderland or will you also be incorporating some of the characters from Alice Through the Looking Glass? I look forward to seeing how your story progresses.
Hi, Jess! I am so excited to read the stories that you write throughout the semester! I have loved Alice in Wonderland for years, so I am really excited to see what you do with this project! I definitely think that your introduction was written very well, and that you clearly stated your ideas and intentions for this project. I liked that I was able to read about your point of view and your inspiration for this project. I was also happy that you provided some background information, as that will be helpful to other readers later on. I also really liked that you ended your introduction post with questions for the readers. I have always been a fan of asking my readers questions in order to make their minds think, and I feel that doing that has a great effect on the reader as well as the story itself. I did like the background image that you chose for your introduction page, but I will be honest and say that all the colors behind the white words kind of made my eyes strain to read it, so maybe choose a less "distracting" picture for the background. I do wonder if the characters you are writing about will be telling their stories from the first person or the third person point of view? Will we be reading anything about Alice herself, or will it all be about the secondary characters? Also, will your project be based only on the original "Alice in Wonderland", or will you be pulling other characters from "Alice Through the Looking Glass"? I am excited to read your work throughout this class, and I hope you have a great semester!
Hi there other Jessica! What are the odds that we keep getting assigned to one another? I think exploring alternate perspectives to the Alice in Wonderland stories is a great idea with SO many possibilities! Alice's experiences in the original tale were crazy as it is, and she was the sane one! I do wonder at the viability of exploring the Mad Hatter's thoughts... just because he's, well, mad. Almost all of the other characters would be fun read about though! I would personally be curious to find out where the Cheshire Cat kept running off to and what all he saw and heard while he was invisible. I think your introduction was written very well, so you're already off to a good start! I'm not sure how to feel about the backgrounds. Both are beautiful and fit the theme well, but they clash with each other a bit. The transition between the home page and your introduction post is somewhat jarring. If you do decide to keep them as they are, I'd recommend finding pictures/backgrounds that match the introduction post going forward to give the storybook a feeling of unity. Good luck!
Hey Jess! I love the idea for your portfolio! I have always really liked Alice in Wonderland, so I am excited to read more of your stories. I took a look at your introduction, and I thought it gave good information about the goal of your portfolio and where it is headed. I wonder though, as you write stories into your portfolio if your current intro wouldn't work better as an author's note, and then create a new introduction that kind of sets the scene for the stories that the reader is going to find. It is totally up to you, but I think you could make a really interesting intro that is almost like another story in itself. On a more editorial note, it looks like you may have lost a line or inserted some text in the wrong place. In your intro at the end of the first paragraph you have the beginning or a sentence “The Looking” but then you start a new paragraph and a new sentence. You probably want to delete those two words or figure out what thought you were going to put there.
Hi Jess, I really liked how you decided to retell Alice and Wonderland in the eyes of all the other characters. I have actually always wondered why the flowers were so mean to her and what the white rabbit was so late for, so I am glad that you will be answering them in your own perspective for me! I thought it was interesting that the white rabbit was not late for anything actually, and that it was a ruse to lure Alice into following him. I cannot wait to see what else the other characters in Wonderland have in store for Alice, and what is real and what is fake. I only have one comment/suggestion for your story. In the couple of paragraphs where the white rabbit is talking to Mr. Entrance, when the entrance asks if Mr. Rabbit has any plans, Mr. Rabbit exclaims that he thinks he found someone that can save Wonderland! But Mr. Entrance reaction seemed fairly calm in my opinion, he just says "Okay" and asks what he can do to help. I guess I feel like he should have been more excited, since she would be saving Wonderland.
Hi Jess! I like so many of us grew up with the Alice in Wonderland stories and I'm really enjoying seeing some of my classmates takes on the stories. Your concept, seeing the stories from the perspective of the other characters in the story we are all so familiar with is super cool! Your introduction is very clear and states your objective very well. I like that you recap the stories in case someone doesn't know them so we can all enjoy the stories. The way that you begin the Rabbits story is so iconic, and I don't think there was doubt in anyone's mind who the story was going to be about. I like that we are seeing the "behind-the-scenes" so to speak of the story. Who knew that Mr. Rabbit was actually planning this all along! - Anna Margret
Hi Jess! I just read both your introduction and your first story. I like that you have the idea to give an Alice in Wonderland story adaptation from the view point of the other characters. The introduction was a good lead in to what the story was going to be about. I had no left over questions that I wanted answered from that, which is good! When I got to your first story though, I wanted a bit more detail to help understand how things play out. For example, when you have the rabbit request that the door provide Alice with the beverages, I was really interested on how the door would manage to do this. I only know the base story for Alice in Wonderland, so I'm not sure if the entrance has hands and legs or if he magically make those objects appear for her. I was also wondering how much the Rabbit can utilize his watch for other than time. You gave him the ability to read many more instances in your telling, which I think is a cool concept, but I would love some background on what he actually uses his watch for and why he feels like he is always late. Unless that's just his trick to get Alice in the world and he's never actually late to anything? Any help in straightening this out would be wonderful for developing the rest of your stories and characters!
Hi Jess! I really enjoyed your story so far with Alice in Wonderland: The Others. It was really clear and I think your adaption was really creative. It was super interesting and engaging. I liked the way you develop the characters. Other than maybe a few grammatical errors I have no big comments other than I really liked it! I can't wait to read more on this story! Keep up the good work!
Hi Jess, I really enjoyed reading your story. I like the perspective you chose to write your story in; focusing more on Mr. Rabbit and his plans. I also like, according to your author’s note, that you more clearly outlined Mr. Rabbit’s plans as opposed to him being frantic. I think this adds an interesting element to the story. I also like how you leave the story with some suspense. Maybe to make it even more suspenseful, you could include … after Wonderland, as if the story is going to continue (e.g., …wonderful adventure through Wonderland…” Your story is also really easy to follow and stay connected with. At one point you mention that Rabbit thinks Alice can ‘help restore Wonderland to the way it was before.’ I think this would be a great spot to add to your story. In what way can Alice restore Wonderland? Why Alice? What characteristics does Alice have that makes her the person for this job? These are some of the questions I asked myself as I read along. I don’t think you have to answer all of these questions in your story but, if you did, it would definitely allow you to add some depth to your story. Great job!!
Hello Jess, I thought your version of Alice in Wonderland was fantastic. It always nice to see a story through another characters eyes in which it was not told. The rabbit was always in such a hurry so I always wondered what was going through it mind. Even though he was as frantic in your story is was still cool to read from the rabbit’s view. I really like the set-up of your story and think you depicted the rabbits point of view really well. Everything in the story flowed well and the detail was great. After looking at your portfolio, I think that it looks actually really great! I love all the different pictures that you have in your portfolio, each one really helps to add to the story. Overall I think your story and your portfolio are great and I can’t wait to see what other story’s you have coming up!
Hey Jess! I really enjoyed your rendition of the story. It's interesting to hear if from the view of the rabbit. It seems that there was a lot of work involved in getting Alice. I wonder what would have happened if the Rabbit was straightforward towards Alice. Maybe he didn't have to trick her into saving Wonderland. I think that the way you told the story was very creative. I always thought of the rabbit as a little bit crazy. I guess it really helps when you make the rabbit's thoughts clear to the audience. Without the concrete thoughts, the rabbit would seem very frantic, which attributes to how well he acted like he was crazy. I wonder why the rabbit was lost in the beginning. Maybe give a little introduction at the beginning to set up why the rabbit was lost in the first place. Overall, I really enjoyed your story's rendition.
Hey Jess! I enjoyed reading your Storybook so far! I’ve never read Alice in Wonderland or its sequel, so I’m fairly unfamiliar with the story and characters. However, your introduction and your first story really give me a good idea of what you’re trying to do! Great job! I especially like how in your introduction you say that you’re going to answer your own questions. I think that’s such a great way of using this Storybook project. My biggest question after reading your first story was what is wrong with Wonderland? It must be something terrible if the Rabbit is so desperate to find a hero to fix it, and I’d really like to know what that is. Also, how does the Rabbit recognize Alice? Has she been to Wonderland before, or is there some other reason? Other than those questions, I thought your story was fantastic! I love the style that you’re writing in, and I think your website looks nice and clean, too. I look forward to reading the rest of the project! Keep it up!
Hi Jess, I really like your idea of telling the Alice in Wonderland story from the perspectives of different characters. I've never actually read Alice in Wonderland, but your author's notes help me understand what happened in the original story from Alice's point of view. I did have a couple of questions about your first story though.
When the Rabbit gets closer to Alice he seems to recognize her and knows her name. I was wondering how he recognizes her. Did they have a previous encounter or is this something that will be explained in a later story? Or is this something from the original story that I just don't know about?
When Alice was trying to get through the keyhole, I had a hard time visualizing where a door's mouth would be and what Entrance looked like in general. Maybe some more description about what Entrance looks like would be helpful? I also just wanted to point out a couple of spelling errors in the sentence "It only took two *tried* to get the *robe* into Entrance's mouth." (marked with * around the word)
I look forward to seeing what other stories you create for this project!
Hi Jess! I love what you decided to do for project, it is extremely unique and the set up of your site is perfect for your theme. I really like how you chose to tell your stories from the point of views of the other characters, it gives you another insight into the storyline. I have only ever seen the movie so im not super familiar with the entire story but just by reading your first story i have a great depiction of the entire thing. you do a great job of making the personality of the rabbit come to life by your writing. I would maybe suggest providing more information of what is wrong with the wonderland, it is obvious the rabbit is trying to fix the wonderland but what exactly is he so frantic about? some more background information for those of us who arent as familiar would be super helpful. overall your story is awesome and i look forward to reading your future stories. Great job!
This is such a fun idea! Telling other characters’ perspectives is my favorite way to tell a story in this class and I love that you created a whole storybook around it! I really liked the first installment of The Rabbit, but I had a few questions while reading. Like why does the rabbit think that the girl could help them? Maybe you could add something about how the rabbit had seen the girl and from watching her, he knew she possessed some qualities that would be helpful to Wonderland. Also, if this is the Rabbit’s perspective how does the story continue if he goes off to find the White Queen? Maybe he could stay hidden watching the scene or you could start a new perspective? It just seems like if this section is all about what the rabbit is thinking, he should stay until the end of this section. Overall though it is a great story!
Hello Jess, I like how you are taking on a different form of Alice in Wonderland by telling the story from the point of view of the other character in the story. I didn’t find anything wrong with the introduction, but I have some suggestions for the first story part. Half way through the story you switch the story over to Alice and quit following the rabbit. I feel like you are writing this story in a way as if people have seen it before. So, you may not need the Alice part. I might suggest that you continue to follow the rabbit in his escapades to go inform the white queen rather than just staying with Alice. For you are writing the story from the rabbit’s view and he did not see Alice attempt any of the things she did in the room to get out of it. For future stories I would stay with the character you are writing about.
I really like the concept of your Storybook! When I saw the title, I was immediately intrigued. Telling stories that many people know from another character’s point of view is a really fun and great idea! It really allows for creativity and imagination to be present throughout the entire story. The Rabbit story was really great! Right from the first sentence, I was able to picture the rabbit saying the exact dialogue that you chose to put in the story. It is very fitting! There is also a good mixture between dialogue and story telling. There isn’t too much of one or the other. I wonder if Mr. Rabbit ran into any problems while trying to get to the White Queen? It would have been nice to read about his journey to the White Queen. Maybe you could include this somewhere in the story. This was a really great story! I think that you Storybook will continue to be great and I will definitely be back at a later time!
I just got done reading your take on Alice in Wonderland and I like the direction you went with it. Calming down the rabbit a bit helps the story progress more smoothly than the original version. That's not to say that the original is not good, but good is a relative term.
About your overall site, the one thing I would suggest is using more clear images. There is nothing wrong with a blurry background that has text on top of it, especially if the text is what you wish to draw the reader's attention to. I just found myself wondering what the images were behind the words cause even the blurred version looked somewhat interesting.
Altogether, I would summarize my advice as keep writing the way that you are, because it is working well for you, but maybe think about using more clear visuals so that the reader can be entertained visually as well as intellectually. Good work!
Hello Jess! I just read your introduction and your first story and it was so impressive. I had been reading the tale several times and still couldn't figure out why the rabbit could appear in another world rather than where he was living. Now i know, because he was lost, so that he could show Alice the way to come to the Wonderland. I also like how you plot the story in different perspectives to explain things that were still blurry. Alice seemed so curious and surprised to follow the Rabbit to the hole. She hadn't feel any afraid of strange things. I wonder why Alice was the one that could see the Rabbit, not her sister and what was her role? Was she has some unique abilities? Why the Rabbit knowed Alice before and why he wanted Alice to see the White Queen? I am looking forward to read your future stories to see what will actually happen.
Hey Jess! This was my first time reading through your storybook and so far I've really enjoyed it! I think the introduction does an excellent job of not only explaining to the readers what the idea of your project is, but also sparks an interest in them by posing those questions about some of the characters of Wonderland. The way you framed the meeting of the Rabbit and Alice was excellent. I liked the idea of how the watch worked in magical ways as well. As I read the Rabbit's plot, I wondered how was it that he was already familiar with Alice? Maybe you'll cover that later but that was a little confusing to me. I'm sure if you answered that question it would also explain how only she could see the Rabbit. Besides that I really enjoyed reading through this and I'm looking forward to reading the additions in the future!
Hey there Jess! I think the concept of your story book is really unique and it makes a lot of sense because Alice in Wonderland is such an intricate story with a lot of random characters. I think this is a perfect story to do this with because Alice is honestly the least interesting character in the story and I like to hear what the others in wonderland have to say. The rabbit is a great animal to start on, because he plays a major part in the real story. One thing I’d change is I’d like for the first few paragraphs to be broken up a bit so they’re smaller and easier to follow. You did that with the middle of the story but I think it would be beneficial the whole story. I think your story is really cool and I’m excited to see where it goes. Great job!
Hi Jess! I have not been to this story yet but I think this idea is pretty incredible. It puts more details to the characters in the original book. I think it is awesome that you aren't straying far from the story but going more into depth with it. I think starting with the Rabbit was a great choice as he is an important character through the whole book. obviously his stories will be some of the most important. I think if you work hard enough, you could pitch this and try to get it published.
Hey Jess, I am a really big fan of the concept for your Storybook. The world of Alice in Wonderland rich and complex and presents many opportunities for expansion through backstory. I like what you have down with your formatting as well. The Storybook is vibrant and the patterns, specifically on the Introduction page, clash but work together in the same way that the patterns characteristic of Wonderland would. I also really like what you have done with The Rude Flowers story. Your invention of why these flowers are rude fits perfectly and explains the situation well. I wonder what would happen if Alice were to meet these flowers again after all of her adventures. Perhaps there would be a chance for apology and forgiveness or perhaps Alice would not be so kind. Overall I think you have a great concept for your story and have done a great job executing your planning. Keep up the good work!
Hi Jess! First of all, the theme for your storybook is fantastic. I debated using Alice in Wonderland as a basis for a storybook, for there are so many different types of characters with such unique personalities. I enjoyed the twist you took on the flowers, I had never thought of them as having a prominence until now. I can tell that you had been pulling inspiration from the original story. Much like you, I enjoy reading in order to expand my written voice. Overall, you have done a nice, consistent job in keeping the story fluid and clear. Keep up the good work, and do not be afraid to push yourself with the last part of the story, I think it could be really great!
Hey there Jess! I just got the chance to read through your storybook and I really loved the overall theme that you chose! Since I am in Professor Gibbs' other class, I am not as familiar with the stories that you have read, but I still feel like I was able to understand what was going on in the original story and grasp on to the things you have changed too with the theme being so popular. Alice in Wonderland has always been of interest to me personally, and so I was able to connect with your writing quite easily. You did a great job in using some descriptive words that really set the text over the top and into a new level. I also really loved your story titles because my interest was immediately peaked by them. I really look forward to checking out your page in the future as the semester comes to a close. Great job overall!
Hi Jess! I read your storybook and was very excited to see that yours was about Alice in Wonderland. I really like the idea of writing from other characters’ perspectives that you used. There are plenty of characters in the world of Alice that we do not know enough about in the original stories, so I think focusing on other characters is a great idea. I liked the approaches you took with the characters in each part of your storybook, especially the flowers that were mean to Alice. I would much rather your story be true and the flowers not really want to be mean to Alice, but they do it to make sure Alice follows the right path. I think the motivations and reasonings you used for the characters’ actions makes sense in each of your stories. Overall, I really enjoyed your storybook and think it is really well written! Great Job!
Hi Jess! I like how you added a twist in your story; mostly readers are probably familiar with the original story of Alice in Wonderland, but your story gives such a unique perspective on the story! After reading the first story, I was excited to see the role Alice would play in your story. It is interesting to see the take that the White Rabbit knows who Alice is and purposely leads her down the rabbit hole. I also like how you change the flowers in your story. I, and probably most other people, think of flowers and very dainty and sweet, so it does not seem fitting that they were so rude in the typical telling of Alice in Wonderland. I like that you made their being rude purposeful, and characterize them as typically kind. I like how your story ends on a promising note without revealing exactly what will happen.
Hello, Jess! I think you have a fantastic idea. I too was inspired by Alice in Wonderland, but mine is about the adventures of a stolen merchild. You set up your introduction very well. I enjoyed reading about your point-of-view and inspiration, you gave some background information, which is helpful for those who are not familiar with the story, and you wrap it up nicely with the rhetorical questions that get the readers mind working. I certainly have some questions about the characters in the book, one of my favorite ones is the caterpillar with a temper. Will you be telling the story from each character in a first person point of view, or will you be doing a third person narrative? Also, will you being pulling characters from only Alice in Wonderland or will you also be incorporating some of the characters from Alice Through the Looking Glass? I look forward to seeing how your story progresses.
ReplyDeleteHi, Jess! I am so excited to read the stories that you write throughout the semester! I have loved Alice in Wonderland for years, so I am really excited to see what you do with this project! I definitely think that your introduction was written very well, and that you clearly stated your ideas and intentions for this project. I liked that I was able to read about your point of view and your inspiration for this project. I was also happy that you provided some background information, as that will be helpful to other readers later on. I also really liked that you ended your introduction post with questions for the readers. I have always been a fan of asking my readers questions in order to make their minds think, and I feel that doing that has a great effect on the reader as well as the story itself. I did like the background image that you chose for your introduction page, but I will be honest and say that all the colors behind the white words kind of made my eyes strain to read it, so maybe choose a less "distracting" picture for the background. I do wonder if the characters you are writing about will be telling their stories from the first person or the third person point of view? Will we be reading anything about Alice herself, or will it all be about the secondary characters? Also, will your project be based only on the original "Alice in Wonderland", or will you be pulling other characters from "Alice Through the Looking Glass"? I am excited to read your work throughout this class, and I hope you have a great semester!
ReplyDeleteHi there other Jessica! What are the odds that we keep getting assigned to one another? I think exploring alternate perspectives to the Alice in Wonderland stories is a great idea with SO many possibilities! Alice's experiences in the original tale were crazy as it is, and she was the sane one! I do wonder at the viability of exploring the Mad Hatter's thoughts... just because he's, well, mad. Almost all of the other characters would be fun read about though! I would personally be curious to find out where the Cheshire Cat kept running off to and what all he saw and heard while he was invisible. I think your introduction was written very well, so you're already off to a good start! I'm not sure how to feel about the backgrounds. Both are beautiful and fit the theme well, but they clash with each other a bit. The transition between the home page and your introduction post is somewhat jarring. If you do decide to keep them as they are, I'd recommend finding pictures/backgrounds that match the introduction post going forward to give the storybook a feeling of unity. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHey Jess!
ReplyDeleteI love the idea for your portfolio! I have always really liked Alice in Wonderland, so I am excited to read more of your stories. I took a look at your introduction, and I thought it gave good information about the goal of your portfolio and where it is headed. I wonder though, as you write stories into your portfolio if your current intro wouldn't work better as an author's note, and then create a new introduction that kind of sets the scene for the stories that the reader is going to find. It is totally up to you, but I think you could make a really interesting intro that is almost like another story in itself.
On a more editorial note, it looks like you may have lost a line or inserted some text in the wrong place. In your intro at the end of the first paragraph you have the beginning or a sentence “The Looking” but then you start a new paragraph and a new sentence. You probably want to delete those two words or figure out what thought you were going to put there.
-Cat
Hi Jess,
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you decided to retell Alice and Wonderland in the eyes of all the other characters. I have actually always wondered why the flowers were so mean to her and what the white rabbit was so late for, so I am glad that you will be answering them in your own perspective for me! I thought it was interesting that the white rabbit was not late for anything actually, and that it was a ruse to lure Alice into following him. I cannot wait to see what else the other characters in Wonderland have in store for Alice, and what is real and what is fake.
I only have one comment/suggestion for your story. In the couple of paragraphs where the white rabbit is talking to Mr. Entrance, when the entrance asks if Mr. Rabbit has any plans, Mr. Rabbit exclaims that he thinks he found someone that can save Wonderland! But Mr. Entrance reaction seemed fairly calm in my opinion, he just says "Okay" and asks what he can do to help. I guess I feel like he should have been more excited, since she would be saving Wonderland.
Hi Jess! I like so many of us grew up with the Alice in Wonderland stories and I'm really enjoying seeing some of my classmates takes on the stories. Your concept, seeing the stories from the perspective of the other characters in the story we are all so familiar with is super cool! Your introduction is very clear and states your objective very well. I like that you recap the stories in case someone doesn't know them so we can all enjoy the stories.
ReplyDeleteThe way that you begin the Rabbits story is so iconic, and I don't think there was doubt in anyone's mind who the story was going to be about. I like that we are seeing the "behind-the-scenes" so to speak of the story. Who knew that Mr. Rabbit was actually planning this all along!
- Anna Margret
Hi Jess! I just read both your introduction and your first story. I like that you have the idea to give an Alice in Wonderland story adaptation from the view point of the other characters. The introduction was a good lead in to what the story was going to be about. I had no left over questions that I wanted answered from that, which is good! When I got to your first story though, I wanted a bit more detail to help understand how things play out. For example, when you have the rabbit request that the door provide Alice with the beverages, I was really interested on how the door would manage to do this. I only know the base story for Alice in Wonderland, so I'm not sure if the entrance has hands and legs or if he magically make those objects appear for her. I was also wondering how much the Rabbit can utilize his watch for other than time. You gave him the ability to read many more instances in your telling, which I think is a cool concept, but I would love some background on what he actually uses his watch for and why he feels like he is always late. Unless that's just his trick to get Alice in the world and he's never actually late to anything? Any help in straightening this out would be wonderful for developing the rest of your stories and characters!
ReplyDeleteHi Jess! I really enjoyed your story so far with Alice in Wonderland: The Others. It was really clear and I think your adaption was really creative. It was super interesting and engaging. I liked the way you develop the characters. Other than maybe a few grammatical errors I have no big comments other than I really liked it! I can't wait to read more on this story! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Jess, I really enjoyed reading your story. I like the perspective you chose to write your story in; focusing more on Mr. Rabbit and his plans. I also like, according to your author’s note, that you more clearly outlined Mr. Rabbit’s plans as opposed to him being frantic. I think this adds an interesting element to the story. I also like how you leave the story with some suspense. Maybe to make it even more suspenseful, you could include … after Wonderland, as if the story is going to continue (e.g., …wonderful adventure through Wonderland…” Your story is also really easy to follow and stay connected with. At one point you mention that Rabbit thinks Alice can ‘help restore Wonderland to the way it was before.’ I think this would be a great spot to add to your story. In what way can Alice restore Wonderland? Why Alice? What characteristics does Alice have that makes her the person for this job? These are some of the questions I asked myself as I read along. I don’t think you have to answer all of these questions in your story but, if you did, it would definitely allow you to add some depth to your story. Great job!!
ReplyDeleteHello Jess, I thought your version of Alice in Wonderland was fantastic. It always nice to see a story through another characters eyes in which it was not told. The rabbit was always in such a hurry so I always wondered what was going through it mind. Even though he was as frantic in your story is was still cool to read from the rabbit’s view. I really like the set-up of your story and think you depicted the rabbits point of view really well. Everything in the story flowed well and the detail was great. After looking at your portfolio, I think that it looks actually really great! I love all the different pictures that you have in your portfolio, each one really helps to add to the story. Overall I think your story and your portfolio are great and I can’t wait to see what other story’s you have coming up!
ReplyDeleteHey Jess!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your rendition of the story. It's interesting to hear if from the view of the rabbit. It seems that there was a lot of work involved in getting Alice. I wonder what would have happened if the Rabbit was straightforward towards Alice. Maybe he didn't have to trick her into saving Wonderland. I think that the way you told the story was very creative. I always thought of the rabbit as a little bit crazy. I guess it really helps when you make the rabbit's thoughts clear to the audience. Without the concrete thoughts, the rabbit would seem very frantic, which attributes to how well he acted like he was crazy. I wonder why the rabbit was lost in the beginning. Maybe give a little introduction at the beginning to set up why the rabbit was lost in the first place. Overall, I really enjoyed your story's rendition.
Hey Jess! I enjoyed reading your Storybook so far! I’ve never read Alice in Wonderland or its sequel, so I’m fairly unfamiliar with the story and characters. However, your introduction and your first story really give me a good idea of what you’re trying to do! Great job! I especially like how in your introduction you say that you’re going to answer your own questions. I think that’s such a great way of using this Storybook project. My biggest question after reading your first story was what is wrong with Wonderland? It must be something terrible if the Rabbit is so desperate to find a hero to fix it, and I’d really like to know what that is. Also, how does the Rabbit recognize Alice? Has she been to Wonderland before, or is there some other reason?
ReplyDeleteOther than those questions, I thought your story was fantastic! I love the style that you’re writing in, and I think your website looks nice and clean, too. I look forward to reading the rest of the project!
Keep it up!
Hi Jess,
ReplyDeleteI really like your idea of telling the Alice in Wonderland story from the perspectives of different characters. I've never actually read Alice in Wonderland, but your author's notes help me understand what happened in the original story from Alice's point of view. I did have a couple of questions about your first story though.
When the Rabbit gets closer to Alice he seems to recognize her and knows her name. I was wondering how he recognizes her. Did they have a previous encounter or is this something that will be explained in a later story? Or is this something from the original story that I just don't know about?
When Alice was trying to get through the keyhole, I had a hard time visualizing where a door's mouth would be and what Entrance looked like in general. Maybe some more description about what Entrance looks like would be helpful? I also just wanted to point out a couple of spelling errors in the sentence "It only took two *tried* to get the *robe* into Entrance's mouth." (marked with * around the word)
I look forward to seeing what other stories you create for this project!
Hi Jess! I love what you decided to do for project, it is extremely unique and the set up of your site is perfect for your theme. I really like how you chose to tell your stories from the point of views of the other characters, it gives you another insight into the storyline. I have only ever seen the movie so im not super familiar with the entire story but just by reading your first story i have a great depiction of the entire thing. you do a great job of making the personality of the rabbit come to life by your writing. I would maybe suggest providing more information of what is wrong with the wonderland, it is obvious the rabbit is trying to fix the wonderland but what exactly is he so frantic about? some more background information for those of us who arent as familiar would be super helpful. overall your story is awesome and i look forward to reading your future stories. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Jess!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a fun idea! Telling other characters’ perspectives is my favorite way to tell a story in this class and I love that you created a whole storybook around it! I really liked the first installment of The Rabbit, but I had a few questions while reading. Like why does the rabbit think that the girl could help them? Maybe you could add something about how the rabbit had seen the girl and from watching her, he knew she possessed some qualities that would be helpful to Wonderland. Also, if this is the Rabbit’s perspective how does the story continue if he goes off to find the White Queen? Maybe he could stay hidden watching the scene or you could start a new perspective? It just seems like if this section is all about what the rabbit is thinking, he should stay until the end of this section. Overall though it is a great story!
Hello Jess,
ReplyDeleteI like how you are taking on a different form of Alice in Wonderland by telling the story from the point of view of the other character in the story. I didn’t find anything wrong with the introduction, but I have some suggestions for the first story part. Half way through the story you switch the story over to Alice and quit following the rabbit. I feel like you are writing this story in a way as if people have seen it before. So, you may not need the Alice part. I might suggest that you continue to follow the rabbit in his escapades to go inform the white queen rather than just staying with Alice. For you are writing the story from the rabbit’s view and he did not see Alice attempt any of the things she did in the room to get out of it. For future stories I would stay with the character you are writing about.
I really like the concept of your Storybook! When I saw the title, I was immediately intrigued. Telling stories that many people know from another character’s point of view is a really fun and great idea! It really allows for creativity and imagination to be present throughout the entire story. The Rabbit story was really great! Right from the first sentence, I was able to picture the rabbit saying the exact dialogue that you chose to put in the story. It is very fitting! There is also a good mixture between dialogue and story telling. There isn’t too much of one or the other. I wonder if Mr. Rabbit ran into any problems while trying to get to the White Queen? It would have been nice to read about his journey to the White Queen. Maybe you could include this somewhere in the story. This was a really great story! I think that you Storybook will continue to be great and I will definitely be back at a later time!
ReplyDeleteHey Jess,
ReplyDeleteI just got done reading your take on Alice in Wonderland and I like the direction you went with it. Calming down the rabbit a bit helps the story progress more smoothly than the original version. That's not to say that the original is not good, but good is a relative term.
About your overall site, the one thing I would suggest is using more clear images. There is nothing wrong with a blurry background that has text on top of it, especially if the text is what you wish to draw the reader's attention to. I just found myself wondering what the images were behind the words cause even the blurred version looked somewhat interesting.
Altogether, I would summarize my advice as keep writing the way that you are, because it is working well for you, but maybe think about using more clear visuals so that the reader can be entertained visually as well as intellectually. Good work!
Hello Jess! I just read your introduction and your first story and it was so impressive. I had been reading the tale several times and still couldn't figure out why the rabbit could appear in another world rather than where he was living. Now i know, because he was lost, so that he could show Alice the way to come to the Wonderland. I also like how you plot the story in different perspectives to explain things that were still blurry. Alice seemed so curious and surprised to follow the Rabbit to the hole. She hadn't feel any afraid of strange things.
ReplyDeleteI wonder why Alice was the one that could see the Rabbit, not her sister and what was her role? Was she has some unique abilities? Why the Rabbit knowed Alice before and why he wanted Alice to see the White Queen? I am looking forward to read your future stories to see what will actually happen.
Hey Jess! This was my first time reading through your storybook and so far I've really enjoyed it! I think the introduction does an excellent job of not only explaining to the readers what the idea of your project is, but also sparks an interest in them by posing those questions about some of the characters of Wonderland. The way you framed the meeting of the Rabbit and Alice was excellent. I liked the idea of how the watch worked in magical ways as well.
ReplyDeleteAs I read the Rabbit's plot, I wondered how was it that he was already familiar with Alice? Maybe you'll cover that later but that was a little confusing to me. I'm sure if you answered that question it would also explain how only she could see the Rabbit. Besides that I really enjoyed reading through this and I'm looking forward to reading the additions in the future!
Hey there Jess! I think the concept of your story book is really unique and it makes a lot of sense because Alice in Wonderland is such an intricate story with a lot of random characters. I think this is a perfect story to do this with because Alice is honestly the least interesting character in the story and I like to hear what the others in wonderland have to say. The rabbit is a great animal to start on, because he plays a major part in the real story. One thing I’d change is I’d like for the first few paragraphs to be broken up a bit so they’re smaller and easier to follow. You did that with the middle of the story but I think it would be beneficial the whole story. I think your story is really cool and I’m excited to see where it goes. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Jess! I have not been to this story yet but I think this idea is pretty incredible. It puts more details to the characters in the original book. I think it is awesome that you aren't straying far from the story but going more into depth with it. I think starting with the Rabbit was a great choice as he is an important character through the whole book. obviously his stories will be some of the most important. I think if you work hard enough, you could pitch this and try to get it published.
ReplyDeleteHey Jess, I am a really big fan of the concept for your Storybook. The world of Alice in Wonderland rich and complex and presents many opportunities for expansion through backstory. I like what you have down with your formatting as well. The Storybook is vibrant and the patterns, specifically on the Introduction page, clash but work together in the same way that the patterns characteristic of Wonderland would. I also really like what you have done with The Rude Flowers story. Your invention of why these flowers are rude fits perfectly and explains the situation well. I wonder what would happen if Alice were to meet these flowers again after all of her adventures. Perhaps there would be a chance for apology and forgiveness or perhaps Alice would not be so kind. Overall I think you have a great concept for your story and have done a great job executing your planning. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Jess! First of all, the theme for your storybook is fantastic. I debated using Alice in Wonderland as a basis for a storybook, for there are so many different types of characters with such unique personalities. I enjoyed the twist you took on the flowers, I had never thought of them as having a prominence until now. I can tell that you had been pulling inspiration from the original story. Much like you, I enjoy reading in order to expand my written voice. Overall, you have done a nice, consistent job in keeping the story fluid and clear. Keep up the good work, and do not be afraid to push yourself with the last part of the story, I think it could be really great!
ReplyDeleteHey there Jess! I just got the chance to read through your storybook and I really loved the overall theme that you chose! Since I am in Professor Gibbs' other class, I am not as familiar with the stories that you have read, but I still feel like I was able to understand what was going on in the original story and grasp on to the things you have changed too with the theme being so popular. Alice in Wonderland has always been of interest to me personally, and so I was able to connect with your writing quite easily. You did a great job in using some descriptive words that really set the text over the top and into a new level. I also really loved your story titles because my interest was immediately peaked by them. I really look forward to checking out your page in the future as the semester comes to a close. Great job overall!
ReplyDeleteHi Jess! I read your storybook and was very excited to see that yours was about Alice in Wonderland. I really like the idea of writing from other characters’ perspectives that you used. There are plenty of characters in the world of Alice that we do not know enough about in the original stories, so I think focusing on other characters is a great idea. I liked the approaches you took with the characters in each part of your storybook, especially the flowers that were mean to Alice. I would much rather your story be true and the flowers not really want to be mean to Alice, but they do it to make sure Alice follows the right path. I think the motivations and reasonings you used for the characters’ actions makes sense in each of your stories. Overall, I really enjoyed your storybook and think it is really well written! Great Job!
ReplyDeleteHi Jess! I like how you added a twist in your story; mostly readers are probably familiar with the original story of Alice in Wonderland, but your story gives such a unique perspective on the story! After reading the first story, I was excited to see the role Alice would play in your story. It is interesting to see the take that the White Rabbit knows who Alice is and purposely leads her down the rabbit hole. I also like how you change the flowers in your story. I, and probably most other people, think of flowers and very dainty and sweet, so it does not seem fitting that they were so rude in the typical telling of Alice in Wonderland. I like that you made their being rude purposeful, and characterize them as typically kind. I like how your story ends on a promising note without revealing exactly what will happen.
ReplyDelete